Don't Knock it 'til You Try it?

Why I said No to IVF, surrogacy, sperm donors, and insimination

IVF stands for invitro fertilization. IVF adjusts hormones to try and help that person to get pregnant. This process adjusts per person, but generally deals with shots in the abdomen a few times a day and its not even a for sure process. It may never work no matter how many rounds of IVF is done. I do have friends who went through IVF and failed and succeeded. Hallelujah for them! They did it. Here is a little testimonial of their process, "We cannot thank CRM enough for all of the long hours, warm smiles, kind encouragements, and excellent care they have given us. No question is ever too simple or fear ever too trivial for any of the staff to take the time to talk to us as people not just patients. We are especially grateful for their willingness to work long hours during this holiday season away from their families in order to help us fulfill our dream of a family of our own." (https://www.infertilityalabama.com/our-center/patient-testimonials/). IVF was right for them and in 2012, 61,100 babies were born(https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/02/18/279035110/ivf-baby-boom-births-from-fertility-procedure-hit-new-high) of other women. As with any other process, even naturally, success is not guaranteed. We did consider sperm donation, but im not even having periods, so we figured it would be a waste of time. Insemination and surrogacy are expensive even if you know the people who would carry or get it for a discount. Here is why i said a resounding "No" to all these options. Firstly, they are all expensive. Our insurance doesn't pay for any of it and we aren't going to start a gofundme for processes that aren't guaranteed. Waste of money. Secondly, when i heard the words, "you are officially infertile" I went through my grieving and coping process. I cried constantly because it was official that I couldn't give my husband the biological baby he always wanted, I couldn't give him the opportunity to dote on his pregnant, needy wife or kiss her pregnant belly. I went into depression because I felt like I let my young self down. I grew up wanting to do two things: go on an LDS mission and be a mother. I never planned on getting a college degree because I thought, "whats the point? I will be a stay at home mother." When I received the news, I was already going to school to get my degree in case one of three things happened: death, divorce, or disability. I knew I would have to take care of my family if either of those things happened, so a degree it was. Coping still happens to this day. There are good days and bad. Thirdly, I already told everyone I was infertile and I felt like it would be lying to them if i tried having babies. Fourthly, I already have crazy hormones! I don't want to go through more, unnecessary, synthetic hormones that will make me go crazy. The ups and downs of hormone change doesn't sound great to me. If anyone has decided to go through those options, more power to you, but its not for me. Lots of prayer and pondering has gone into this decision. I hope that anyone who understands this will know they are not alone. Your loved ones will still love you, everyone heals in their own way and time, and Heavenly Father has a plan for you. Prayer and therapy/communication brings peace to your soul and clarity to your mind. You will know that you are worthy of love, worthy of a family of your own no matter how it grows, and worthy of new, fulfilling dreams for a bright future. People may not understand right away, but that's their battle, not yours. Show patience and love like you would want to be treated.

Tyler:

I never thought it would be this hard to process Smaches, aka Kellie, being infertile. My mind has been constantly trying to think about ways to overcome this infertility. Yes, there are options like IVF and surrogacy but those don't feel like viable options for us. Having talked to Smaches about it a little bit, IVF with all those hormones would just be too much for her. I totally understand and wouldn't want to put her through something like that when it might not work anyways. On top of that, every option to try and get pregnant is extremely expensive. From what I can gather, none of those options are covered by my insurance plan at all so financially it may be a long ways out, if we do it at all. My mind is constantly trying to come to terms with this concept because my whole life I have always imagined having a family naturally with my wife but most likely that won't happen. Whenever a life long vision gets taken away it takes some time to come to terms with it but this is hard. I know it will get better because we will eventually build a family through adoption but for now it hurts.

Asking questions gets you answers or a punch in the face

Hi, my name is Kellie Whitcomb and I have a myriad of medical issues which has rendered me infertile. This blog won’t be long winded, but hopefully it will be educational. My husband Tyler and I will share our thoughts of the week because each week is a new adventure. I appreciate people asking questions about my infertility, but LORD ALL MIGHTY, I might want to punch someone if someone suggests another life altering option. For me, this opening post will be about people asking questions. I am more than willing to discuss my infertility, but people ask and suggest fertility options as though I have never thought of them before. “Why don’t you have kids yet? You have been married for 4 year already...you should have kids” “what about IVF (in vitro fertilization)?” “Doesn’t insurance cover fertility treatments?” “How far into the adoption process are you?” “Kids are part of gods plan. Have you prayed to get pregnant?” These few questions are asked by friends, family, and strangers. It gets overwhelming. Infertility is something I had to cope with. I grew up wanting to be a mother, so my dreams were dashed. I had to find new dreams. I had to accept that I would never give my baby-hungry husband biological children. I had to try and get my family to understand that infertility is not a choice. I had to try and tell people at church that I would be happy for a miracle baby, but I am not expecting it. It’s hard to have hope for something that won’t happen. “Where is your faith?” Jeez, stab me in the feels. I am bombarded with questions more days than others and although I have set answers, my feelings either get hurt or get angry. I come up with my own questions (I would never say them out loud), “how many times do I have to answer the same question? Since when is it your business when I have children? Do you know how many sleepless nights I have had pleading to god to give me the chance to have that miracle baby for my husband?” I love educating people and answering the questions is easy, but some days, I just want to shut down and live in denial that I can never have a baby. Hi, my name is Tyler Whitcomb and I am Kellie’s husband. We are unable to have children naturally with the health problems that Kellie has dealt with all of our married life. Learning this was very sad but knowing there are other ways to build a family softened the blow. Since we started dating, Kellie and I have always talked about adopting so I am confident one day we will be able to have children be part of our life. The hardest part of all this for me is how little of help our insurance is. You can do anything to your body, including having your sex changed but infertility is something they won’t help with. My health insurance has a very low copay and has covered everything else that my wife has gone through. But if we wanted to try and get pregnant through IVF or even get tested to see what else can be done, none of it is covered. A big point of debate in our society today is abortion and how it needs to be available for everyone, free of cost. 3,500 abortion’s conducted every day but if my wife and I need help trying to get pregnant, then we are on our own. This is something that I feel needs to change, not only because it is affecting me, but because conceiving children is still a noble pursuit and should be encouraged. We have too many broken homes of single parents and perfectly good couples who need help conceiving.

Just Give Me a Reason - P!NK

As the Nursery Rhym goes: Rain, rain, go away; Come again another day...


What makes a great blog? Is it the pictures to show off the beauty around life, the inspiring quotes, the personal feelings of trials, or maybe substitute of the newspaper comics? Welcome to the variety that is my brain. Perfectionism and acceptance are two of my weaknesses. These posts will both take more than an hour to write and try too hard to be the blog every one wants to subscribe to at first read. My weaknesses can be overcome in self-less service. Luckily, Argentina is the best place for it right now! 


 Argentina. Unable to speak spanish tricks my brain in to thinking we are only a few states away in America. Shelley and I are looking into taking a class soon. Adapting to the culture will be a treat. It will be a miracle to speak to a stranger in spanish with no problem. Miracles are all around us. Why, just the other day Shelley, Jett, and I went to see this beauty!

Floralis Generica

  There was a plaza area that held the flower, a park, a fountain, a college, and a museum. Across the street were statues of a General on a horse and Avita's grave site. A missionary friend wrote about his change in habit. He didn't realize how spoiled he was until he was responsible for his entire day. Admitting to a character flaw and doing something about it is a miracle too. There are reasons for joy. Search for happiness. I have found exquisite feelings from being a missionary. My Bishop told me that I was eligible to re-apply. Missions are not for everyone, but it is certainly for me. There is time for a mission later. Argentina, learning with Jett, living in a different culture and family, and balance of activities are miracles that I love. 



 Thank you for following this blog! (See what I did there?) Posts will be sporadic.    Hasta Luego!!

feliz Pascua!

Happy Easter!
Happy Resurrection Day!


Many ways to show the joy of Christ's resurrection. The Allisons and I celebrated by going to church, hunting chocolate eggs the Easter Bunny left, and watching a video on Jesus Christ's resurrection. (http://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/he-is-risen?lang=eng) There happened to be festive naps, practiced by Shelley and me. Not being able to understand espanol was hard for my mind. Luckily, the Holy Ghost, the messenger of Christ to speak to us, has to do with inspiration and feeling. It gives the message in whatever way you know best. Heavenly Father knows who we are as individuals. He knows what we need, when we need it. Christ is a great brother, Saviour, and redeemer to pay for all of our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane. He is a wonderful example to follow by the resurrection---overcoming physical death. Christ felt our every affliction. Just think. We sin daily, no matter how big or small. If we follow Him and live His gospel, we too will be resurrected. 

I know in all my weaknesses and strengths, I must look to Christ's life and strive to become like Him. I loved my mission. He served the Jews and Gentiles without a shadow of a doubt. I need to do better in the spirit of missionary work. Christ was the greatest missionary. I want to serve Him. Mosiah 2:17 "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn ^awisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the ^bservice of your ^cfellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." Christ lives. He is risen! I love being a member of La iglesia de Jesuchristo de los santos de los ultimos dias. It's a privilege. 

Jett's huge, hollow, chocolate egg

My oreo, chocolate egg. They are the sweetest!

Aren't they adorable?!

I wont give up - Jason Mraz

Look at this beauty. This is un parque en San Martin.  Argentina has been a wonderful place to be.  The Allisons have been saints.  We have been here for three days. I have already babysat Jett and finished a book.  Jett and I are good room buddies.  My Brother-in-law, Rick, hasn't had to go into work yet. Blessings are happening left and right! Today, we went to San Martin by Subway---Subte. It was mine and Jett's first time. It wasn't scary at all. People aren't talkative on a Subte though. No matter, we had each other. We played in the park for an hour, then went to get McFlurries at McDonald's. We shared a Dulce de Leche and a Toblerone. Delicioso! We walked around seeing a harp street performer, plenty of construction, and a man singing Elton John in English. Now we are home hanging out until dinner. 

It is an honour to be here. I know I need to be here. I do not want to leave. I do have a concern; However, it's not very big. Why am I here? Who am I suppose to help? What am I suppose to learn? How am I suppose to help? I feel like more of a financial burden. Three adults were great on travel day. I feel like I am crowding now. Luckily my health is fair.  The Lord is directing me on what to focus my energies on. The times I read and zone out, my mind is scattered on tribulations back home. One day at a time is a good standard.  I know if I didn't have the gospel of Jesus Christ, I would be lost. All trials have their purpose. I have a purpose.  The Lord knows what that is and all I have to do is ask in prayer. Spanish will come in time. The purpose will be shown in His time. His way or Satan's way --MTC mission president.

Tell me I'm wrong - The Morning Of

Today has been another hard day. Good thing it has been productive. Last night I forgot to turn on my alarm clock. No matter, my body woke up at 5am for fun. I don't mind waking up early. What could I do that wouldn't wake up the rest of the house? Read? No. I could not focus. Look on Facebook? It's not entertaining. Eventually I laid in bed thinking of the future. It was nice of my body to rest for the next few hours. Then came the pain. My lower abdomen had the shooting feeling again. I got up, did my morning exercises, and attempted to eat. My four-year-old nephew was in the living room watching Curious George. We sat and watched the silly monkey until my lower side hurt again. I went to Urgent Care in Redlands on Saturday. In my head I prayed, Please don't make me go back. I'm done being sick. Straight at noon, I knew I had to go back. My nephew and his dad went to Target and the rest of the family was busy. I prayed for strength to accept any diagnosis. One hour went by. Another hour. And finally after three hours, there was an answer. Countless problems with my ovary. 

 I have a fever and pain. Those combinations are not good. Also, My primary doctor says that I probably have a torn meniscus in my knee. I am excited. I am excited to talk to these doctors about the gospel. I may be hurting, but it does not give a reason to stop spiritual encounters. Physical pain will be over come. I don't know what I am suppose to learn. The soul is willing, but the flesh is weak. I wonder how every thing will be next week. In the MTC we learned to take one day at a time. We are mortals. We can plan for the future. Emotions and strength are different daily. 1Nephi 3:7 "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." He prepares a way. One way. One day. One problem. I know through any pain will come happiness, if we fulfill our plan for the day. 

Having this pain is a...pain!



Love always,
Kellie

My blessings

Hey All! 

I am new at the blogging thing. For a year I have been wanting to share my preparation for Argentina. In April 2012, My sister, Shelley, invited me to move to Argentina with her and her family in July of that year. They were going to be there for two years! The time line was perfect because my boyfriend at the time was going on his two-year mission for our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). We would both be back around the same time and get married! Little did I know that he and I were breaking up the month he was leaving. I had turned in my two weeks at my job in June. I had to say good-bye to my best friend, Emily. She lives in Utah. I proudly drove up all by myself. It wasn't that bad. Emily, me, and a bunch of her friends went to a gym with foam pits! It was fun, until I shattered my ankle. My sister, Holly, and her family took care of me for a couple days. Emily and I drove back to California in the middle of the night. Luckily, the Argentina date was moved back indefinitely. Here is the rushed version of July to February 2013. July and October - 8 screws and a plate. November - Mission call. December - Diagnosed with RSD, a severe nerve pain. February - medicine for RSD and a knee brace. Symptom after symptom popped up as my report date to the Missionary Training Center drew closer. My mom and I headed for the MTC with faith  for my leg to be healed. My leg was perfect by the time I got to the MTC. 
I promise I will list the blessings in a bit, if you haven't seen them already!

Shelley and her family hadn't left for Argentina yet! My second day of the MTC, they finally received their visas. Last Monday, I was notified that I was to be sent home because of my leg. Shell came to pick me up from the airport on Tuesday. I was not released from being a full-time missionary when Shell said, "the offer for Argentina is still open." Isn't She the best?? Of course I had to think about it. Coming home from the MTC was hard. The next best thing is to go to Argentina. I have been blessed with a family who will support me in anything that is placed in my way. Every tough time has been followed by a blessing. God is great. My bishop told me that he would call the missionary dept. to see if I can go out on a full-time mission again. My leg has been perfect since I have been home. My companions, family, bishop, and doctor have made the hypothesis that I was sitting too much for too long! Who knew resting would be a bad thing? As far as the boy is concerned, we agreed to say "God be with you til we meet again." He is a great man. Although this year has been up, down, and twisted, it has been the best year of learning. I know I will be able to over come any of Satan's antics with God's help, as long as it is His will too. 


I have to practice writing before it's anything special. 


Love always,
Kellie